Showing Up, Even When I Don’t Have All the Answers

Building a Routine for My Neurodivergent World

I was venting to a friend recently about how frustrated I am with myself and how tired I am of falling into self-sabotaging patterns and not following through. I listed every talent, every skill, and every resource I have to make my dreams happen, but for some reason, I stop just before I reach the finish line. I even asked, “What is wrong with me?” Then, after I finished picking myself apart, I added, “I don’t want to attribute this to ADHD…” and without skipping a beat, my friend said, “But I think you should.”

Last year, I shared about being diagnosed with ADHD. There was some relief because it finally made sense why I struggled with focus, time management, and productivity—not because I was lazy or forgetful, but because my brain processes the world differently. That realization was a relief, but it also brought its own set of challenges. The biggest one? Learning how to live and work with my ADHD instead of constantly fighting against it. Which is where I am now.

That relief quickly turned into a process of understanding how ADHD shows up in my life in ways I hadn’t fully considered. For years, I thought I was lazy or not understanding…something. I hated watching almost every project I started come to a screeching halt. I accepted it for a while, but it was hard to explain to others, especially my parents or anyone who had invested in my ideas, because, honestly, I didn’t know what was happening either. I hated hearing people say, “You’re all over the place.” That phrase stuck with me and kept me trapped in a loop of overthinking and analysis paralysis. In my efforts not to be “all over the place,” I spent days, months, even years trying to figure out how to make things work, paralyzed by the fear of disappointing people who were rooting for me. Let this also serve as a reminder to be mindful of what you say to people; you never know how your words may affect someone.

One of the patterns I’ve noticed in myself is what I call the ADHD spiral. I’ll start a new project with enthusiasm, but as soon as I get overwhelmed by the details or distracted by something else, the momentum fizzles out. Before I know it, I’m stuck in a cycle of frustration, self-doubt, and eventually shame. It’s easy to feel like I’m failing, even when I have all the tools and skills. It’s a lot to carry, and while it’s tempting to believe the negative thoughts that accompany the spiral, my therapist always reminds me to redirect the negative thoughts. So, that’s what I’ve been trying to do.

Lately, I’ve been sitting with the question, "How will I get through this?" My biggest fear is being the girl with so much potential who never reaches the other side of it.

Honestly, I don’t have all the answers—I wish I did. I know my biggest challenge is maintaining a routine. Up until recently, I’ve been trying to function in a neurotypical way of life, forcing myself to stick to a schedule or routine that doesn’t support my neurodivergent brain. I’m never going to wake up and immediately start my morning pages and devotional, but I might get to it around 9 a.m. Some days, I’m locked in and extremely productive, and other days, I’m bed rotting. Then, there are days when I’m hyping myself up to start again. As someone who's used to high performance, I have to be okay with the low-performing days.

So, the question, "How will I get through this?" feels pretty loaded. So for now, I’m focusing on creating a sustainable routine that supports my desire to be productive and keeps me moving when things feel overwhelming. After doom-scrolling in the middle of the night, I ended up on ADHD TikTok and realized there’s a whole community of creatives stuck in the same cycle. Here are three consistent tips I came across and what I plan to implement:

1. Time-Blocking with Flexibility:
   I’m going to experiment with time-blocking my day into manageable chunks, but with flexibility built in. Instead of trying to stick to a rigid schedule, I want to give myself room to adapt as needed. The goal is to help me stay productive without feeling trapped by a plan that isn’t designed to work for me.

2. Daily Micro-Tasks:
   I’m an all-or-nothing girl, and sometimes my goals are just too ambitious for the moment. So I plan to set smaller, more achievable daily goals to avoid the overwhelm of larger projects. Instead of thinking about everything at once, I’ll focus on completing one small task at a time, like writing for 15 minutes, vlogging for a few minutes, or sending a single email. The goal is to build momentum without burning out.

3. Mindful Transitions:

   I really like this tip because it focuses on creating smooth transitions between tasks and moments of rest, like a brief walk or a coffee break. As someone who can easily fall into hyperfocus for hours at a time, I think giving myself intentional breaks will help me recharge and avoid spiraling into overwhelm. The goal is to stay present throughout the day and maintain my energy.

Having ADHD as an adult has thrown me into a whole new world, but I’m figuring it out. I’ve spent so much time trying to fit into the neurotypical mold, but I get it now. I have to learn new strategies that work for me. I wrote a post a couple of months ago about finally understanding what it means to do the work, and I guess this is part of the work for me.

As always, thank you for reading.

With so much care,
Jaylynn

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About me:
I’m a writer, creator, and encourager behind Soft & Still — a space for slowing down, coming home to yourself, and living with more presence. Here, we honor the small, sacred work of becoming.

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